I have no idea what to name this post

But I wanted to give the epilogue to that "impossible game" I made up for myself those few months ago. So here's what happened. I actually really did start running and was really impressed with myself to see that I still had it in me to push myself in that way. I seriously had been neglecting exercise for a few years and it was evident. (still is, in fact!) Anyway, I was really surprised by what a spiritually challenging experience it was for me. There was one day when I went to Hurricane with John. He was going to play basketball with his sister and brother in law and my plan was to go running on the track at the high school. So I walked over to the track and then started walking around it. In my mind I developed another little game to play with myself. I determined that my goal was to be able to run around the track three times straight without stopping once. I knew I would need to work up to that, so I decided I would walk a lap, then run a lap, walk a lap, run 1.25, walk 1, run 1.5, walk 1, run 1.75, walk 1, run 2, walk 1, run 2.5, walk 1, then run 3. After running that one lap the first time, I knew this was going to be a challenge for me to accomplish because I was really struggling and anxious to when that lap was completed. I kept on with my little game, and it took me till I was running a lap and a half when I realized that my goal of running three laps straight was not going to be achieved that day. I was really struggling just where I was! So I decided I would make it to 2 laps around the track.

At that point, I began a lot of self talk to help keep me going. When I ran the 1.75 laps, I began repeating over and over again the group cheer that we had come up with when I went to Power Training back in February. Our cheer was this: "I am a beacon! I lead the way! Shine! Shine! Shine!" I began running with the rhythm of that cheer in my mind and that plus what that cheer meant in my heart kept me going to complete that leg of my game. Then the whole time I was walking around the next lap, I slipped into talking to myself out loud. My fists clenched and unclenched the whole way as if I could draw up energy into me that would carry me through the 2 lap round. It doesn't sound like too much... two laps? (and it really isn't!) But for me, it was monumental. It was killing me! My body was telling me, "you are DONE! Why are you torturing yourself like this!?" And my spirit just kept encouraging me and giving me hope. But it wasn't until something said, "you can't do this," that I realized this wasn't about running two laps around a track. The battle became the ageless one between light and darkness and I was NOT going to let the darkness win in my heart!!! I reminded myself that if I had the power to break an inch thick board with my bare hands and to walk across fire hot coals with my bare feet and not be burned one bit, then I certainly had the power within to run for two laps straight around the track! So I kept pumping myself up and thought it was really cool when scriptures started coming to my mind too that kept me going.

Then the time came for my two lap run straight and I was ready for it and I was so focused on completing that task that I can't tell you much that went through my mind at all. I don't remember. All I know is that when I crossed the line that marked my two laps I lifted my head up to the sky and lifted a triumphant arm up in the air and then fell on the grass next to the track gasping for air! It was the best feeling in the world of accomplishment! I loved it. It was something that was hard for me to do and I pushed myself to accomplish it no matter what. As I was laying on the grass, I realized I had to pee and my objective was to bring myself up with my legs crossed until I could stand and then I knew I'd be able to hold it in, but that didn't happen. I only made it to sitting position before I started peeing my pants and I couldn't believe it! I did NOT want that to be happening but I had absolutely no control over it! It was weird. So after I got up I went walking back over to the church where John was, walking through some sprinklers on the way to, you know, freshen up. :) That was a really powerful experience for me, minus the peeing my pants and I felt exhilarated and definitely in touch with a higher power than my own. It was later when I got home that I decided to figure out how long it was that I actually had ran. I tried really hard to hide my dismay when I was told that 4 track laps are 1 mile. So my two laps that I ran straight was only a half a mile. I knew I was in for the long haul with this half marathon goal of 13 miles!

I was pretty overwhelmed with the fact that I had only ran half a mile straight and it had felt like the hardest thing I've ever done in my life, and that kept me from going out running again for about another week and half. The next time I went running was with my sister-in-law. She had been doing a progressive marathon training, working on it for 9 weeks and had built up to being able to run for 2 miles straight. I was really skeptical of my being able to do that with her seeing as that was 8 laps around and a week and a half ago I about died doing just 2 laps! But I went with her and was totally surprised and happy to see that I accomplished it, and it actually wasn't that difficult either! We were running at a pretty slow pace, but still! I didn't stop once! That gave me a little hope for the future. It was almost a week later that I went running again and this time, it was on my own in the morning. And I ran at a pretty good jogging pace for just over three miles! I was really proud of myself. But I felt sicker than a dog when I stopped and had to sit over the toilet when I got home for a while, afraid I would throw up.

I don't know if I went out running again after that before we decided to take a trip back east to Nauvoo, I can't remember. But I do remember my dilemma of deciding if I was going to go through with this half marathon in Bryce Canyon come July 21st. I knew I was sorely inadequately prepared for it, but nonetheless, I crazily believed that I really could do it. But there were some other factors now with our decision to take the trip. We were driving out east and then were planning on coming back the Wednesday before my marathon, which was scheduled on a Saturday. It wouldn't have been a big deal to have gone home, rested up, and then drive up to Bryce Canyon for the marathon, but we had a family reunion planned up in Salt Lake that same weekend that I was really looking forward to attending. Before we planned our trip to Nauvoo, we were going to go to the marathon on Saturday and then drive straight up to Salt Lake afterwards for the rest of the weekend. So there were some logistic problems with traveling and our plans that were interfering with the marathon date, but every time I thought about not going to the marathon I would get online and pull up the website and for some reason I could never bring myself to cancel! I just knew I had to do it! So we made reservations for a campsite nearby Bryce where we planned to go to the Wednesday we got back and then drive up to Salt Lake after the marathon on Saturday.

And we went out on our trip. We went to Ohio to stay with my sister in law for a few days first and while I was there, I was actually quite lethargic. I didn't go out running any of the days I was there, but I did bring myself to do pilates with Melissa one morning. That was the first time I've done them and it killed me. I was so sore the next day! And it was really difficult for me to imagine, while I was so sore, being able to travel two days cramped up in a car, then camp for another two days on the ground in our sleeping bags with no cover cause we had forgotten to bring our tent with us, and then go run 13 miles the next day. So I made the executive decision to scratch the camping and cancel my place in the marathon and instead run my own 13 mile marathon while I was in Nauvoo. So I proceeded to chart my course running through Nauvoo using gped.com and became excited at the prospect of running in such a beautiful and historic place so dear to my heart. Well, we went to Nauvoo and I designated early Monday morning as the day to run. My sweet husband decided he would go out with me. So we got up around 5:30 and began our run just before 6 in the morning. It was really fun. It was hard, but rewarding and fun to be with my husband. We ran 6 miles in an hour and 15 minutes when the skies just opened up and poured on us. There was a lot of lightening and wind right over us, so we decided it would be safer to head back indoors even though we hadn't run the whole 13 miles. I admit, secretly I was relieved. :) But I was very happy that I had accomplished all that I had and I felt good about it. And John said I was a champion in his eyes.

We got into Salt Lake on Wednesday night and I was very grateful for a bed to sleep on. Some of my family members were planning on hiking Mount Olympus on Friday and I decided to go with them. John came too. That marked the 9th time that I hiked that mountain and let it suffice it to say that it more than made up for the other 6 miles of my half marathon. THAT was the hardest thing I've ever finished. I ran out of water on the way down, got heat stroke, peed my pants (again, geez! what is it with peeing my pants!), was saved by angels of liquid who were hiking down the mountain and stopped to give me drinks and then had to practically carried down the last bit of the mountain because I was so sick and delirious. That was a really long story short there in that last sentence I'll have you know. :) So that's my story. I didn't accomplish my goal the way I had intended it, but I did feel fulfilled and happy about the progress that I made and the experiences I had. And I fully intend to run the Bryce Canyon Half Marathon in 2008. And that gives me much more time to prepare APPROPRIATELY for such a run. :)

And just as a side note, it really was the best decision to go to cancel my run in Bryce and go to Salt Lake because once we got there, our transmission went out in our car. Had we gone to Bryce, we would have been stranded in the heat, dust, and exhaustion, waiting for a couple of hours for a ride and it would have been miserable, I just know it. But as it was, we had the car towed to a shop in West Valley and then enjoyed the rest of the weekend with our family. My cousin drove us halfway back to St. George and my in-laws picked us up from there to bring us home. Just this last weekend my in-laws went to Salt Lake to celebrate their anniversary and John drove with them up there to go pick up our car and bring it back down. It should have been done, but wasn't. So he's been up there for a few days and is getting to know my family better. I miss him desperately and can't wait for him to be back home! the end.