Merry Christmas!

I love this time of year! It has always been my favorite. The best memory I have of Christmas is when I was in 4th grade and I was so excited for Christmas morning. I had gone to sleep quickly on Christmas Eve and was totally ready to wake up early in the morning. Well, morning came and I woke up with excitement and was surprised to find that I was up before my younger brother and sister. I was wide awake and walked out of my room and down the hall towards the living room and almost tripped over a streak of something running in front of my feet. I was shocked to realize it was a little kitten! I knew it was for me because I was the one who really loved cats. I bet my parents were just as shocked as I was to see me come walking in the living room because it was only one in the morning! They had just finished putting the presents under the tree and were sitting there talking. They let me stay in there with them for a while and sit and talk with them. I named my new cat Sherbet, like the ice cream, because he was orange and white.

As for this Christmas... it's been a rather crazy year for us. We are trying to sell our house and are planning on moving near the first of January. What I love about John and I though, is that we have learned how to keep our stress levels really low and stay focused on the most important things for us. So in spite of the "big" changes we have looming over our heads, we have been able to enjoy a peaceful holiday season and have been filled with the love of our Savior. Our favorite Christmas tradition is going to see The Forgotten Carols. We went last Thursday and it was marvelous! Neither one of us ever gets sick of the story... and we especially love the music. That has been a special tradition we've had ever since we've been married and one I hope continues for as long as Michael McLean does the carols!

Another thing I love about Christmas this year is our tree. It is so beautiful. And every time I come in the office I love to just sit and look at it. Last year I wanted to do something special in order to decorate my tree. So I went shopping and picked out special ornaments that I could use to depict the symbols of Christmas. Our tree last year was HUGE and although we had a fun time decorating it with the ornaments I had picked out, the huge tree seemed to swallow them up. This year however, our tree is the perfect size. And I think it is so beautiful with all of the symbolic ornaments I have on it. So I want to share this little bit of my Christmas with you. Here are pictures from my tree of the special ornaments and what each symbol represents.

The wreath symbolizes eternal love. It has no beginning and no end.
Love always comes full circle.

The candle represents the light of Christ and our own inner light in our hearts.

Our gifts to each other represent the importance of giving, sharing, and thinking of others.
Gifts also remind me of the greatest gift our Heavenly Father has given us:
the gift of His Beloved Son.

Bows are a symbol of our hearts knit together in the bonds of brotherly love.

The bell rings to bring lost sheep back home.
It also reminds me that Jesus Christ, the Good Shepherd, is always beckoning me
to come unto Him.

The tree is the evergreen of everlasting life and always points heavenward.


The candy cane is a symbol for the shepherd's crook that they used
to bring lambs back to the fold.




The color red is a symbol of the Savior's sacrifice for all.

Angels are a symbol of the angel who appeared to the shepherds in the field and the heavenly host of angels who were singing praises on the night of His birth.


The star is the symbol of the Bethlehem star, a sign of prophecy and the light of the world.

And Santa Claus is a symbol of the spirit of Christmas, of giving and receiving love, caring, sharing, kindness, cheerfulness, happiness, peace, good will to all, and Christlike living.

I want everyone to know of my love for my Savior. I am filled with gratitude for his love and the sacrifice he made for me. I am grateful for all that he taught about loving others and doing good to all, even those who may hurt us. His example of love is one that I strive to emulate at all times. I hope you all know how much I love you. Merry Christmas!!!

"Unresolved Conflicts"

I felt this one coming on BIG TIME. However, I ignored it and rather than turning to God in prayer, I did a deliberate dance with the devil. Here's the story. I believe the seeds were planted yesterday. Boy, did they germinate quickly. I know the school is having financial difficulties and I heard something yesterday morning about one of the founders of the school who is struggling financially and this planted a little seed of thought in my mind. It was: "You really aren't that valuable to the school. Why don't you resign so they can have some more money? You can find another job, easily. And, if you work your new work schedule right, you could always come back and just volunteer your time, doing the same things that you do now." I let those thoughts stay.

Last night, we got home around 8:30 at night. It had been a long, cold, and tiring day for me. I chose to settle into the corner of the couch with my warmest blanket wrapped around me and watch Animal Planet. John was exhausted and had much more right to falling asleep on the couch than I did because he had really worked hard that day, and he fell asleep on the other couch. The only thing wrong with this picture of me is that I deliberately chose to do this rather than take a shower to prepare for today and read my scriptures. So I fell asleep on the couch. John woke up around midnight and pulled me up and we went groggily to our bedroom. I took off my clothes and knelt on my pillow to pray and did, however, I was so tired that I don't remember what I even prayed about.

So this morning, since we still only have the truck, John woke me up when it was time to go take him to work. He works just a little earlier than I do and so I have to go with him and drop him off, then come back home and get ready for work then go to work myself. Now if that is what I actually did every morning, then I would always be beautifully groomed and to work on time. However, because of having to take John earlier, it takes about 30 minutes out of my sleeping time that I never seem very willing to give up. So the usual way it happens is that I take him to work and then come home and sleep with my head on the truck's steering wheel for that 30 minutes, then quickly run in the house and throw some clothes on, fix my hair so it looks at least decent and run back out the door to work, usually leaving my house about 5 minutes after I'm supposed to be there. There has been ONE time that this was not the case, and the only reason it was any different was because I had spent the entire time on the drive back from John's work, praying my guts out loud for the strength to be able to walk into the house right when I got home and go straight into the shower. The motivating factor that time was that I was really in need of a shower! (That brings up another bad habit of mine... I only shower about once every 2-3 days. Oakcrest and China never wore off of me... haha! I know, that's really gross huh. But there's my deep, dark secret bad habit. So when I say that I really needed a shower, I think it had been 4 days since I'd taken one. Gross!)

Anyway, back to this morning's unresolved conflicts. I was really conflicted this morning. I could almost feel the little feet of the devil and angel on my shoulders as they were both doing their thing to get me to chose their side! Sorry little angel... I kept choosing the devil. His handoff? "Just don't think about it. It takes too much mental effort anyway to pray that hard for the strength to get you in the shower." (For this morning was another one of those days when I was really in need of a shower.) And I took his hand-off. I really didn't want to put in all that mental effort into prayer because I really didn't want to get ready! I wanted to just sleep! So in return? For taking his hand-off? Well, immediately I didn't have to worry about putting all that focus into prayer and I could instead just rest a little longer. So when I pulled up to the house, I turned off the truck and put my head on the steering wheel with the thought of just resting there for a few minutes. Well, "resting there" turned out to be closing my eyes and thinking a million thoughts all at once and then being stricken with a pressing need to release my bowels!

So I got out of the truck, but I was still deliberately pushing away my little angel who was telling me to "pray for the strength you need to get in that shower!" When I went into the house, I took a big disgusted sigh because of the complete mess my house is in. I quickly thought to myself when I would have a day to really clean up the mess and realized (because this week is jam packed full) that it wouldn't be until Monday! That was a depressing thought and I really wished that it could be cleaned before then. (I just wrote that I wished that I could clean it up before then... but then realized that was not my wish so erased that. It isn't very common for me to wish that I could clean things up, but rather that they would somehow get cleaned up on their own. hmmm... no wonder things are messy! haha!)

So I walked into my bedroom and again observed the mess and walked into my bathroom and again, observed the mess with a frustrated sigh. After using the toilet and then flushing it, I was absolutely disgusted by the moldy ring that is developing around the inside because it hasn't been cleaned in months. (okay, this is really revealing about all my really deep, dark, dirty secrets! yuck!) I've realized before that although the toilet has been cleaned a few times, it has never been cleaned once by myself since we've lived here. (and that's been for a year. wow.) So as I stood there observing my dirty toilet, this time I really did think, "I wish I could stay home and just clean this toilet today!"

After observing all of this mess and allowing myself to become thoroughly depressed by it, I flopped myself onto my bed and curled up in the blankets, deliberately choosing to ignore it all away. (news flash... it's not even possible to ignore things away! It will be fruitless to try.) um, I just posted this post on accident when I was trying to italicize the word "possible," I hit "ctrl" "p" which, evidently, is the keyboard way to post your blog. So now I'm "editing" it... and since I hadn't decided if I was really going to post this entry in the first place, now half of it is sitting there on my blog and I'm still deciding on whether or not I'll keep this post there when I'm finished. Really, I'm writing for therapeutic reasons, which, if I decide to keep the post on here, you will read about further on down. The only reason I'm hesitant to post this is because of how utterly revealing it is of myself and my bad habits. It puts me in a particularly vulnerable position which I usually avoid like the plague. However, I've learned that it's those super vulnerable positions that I always seem to learn from the most. Okay, here, it seems to be coming together... as much as this is horrifyingly embarrassing to myself, I'm deciding to allow this post to remain on my blog for personal educational reasons only. wow. I am so weird. And if anyone can relate to me, PLEASE let me know!!! haha!

All right, back on to my story. I'm curled up in my blankets ignoring all my problems away. And, of course, the little devil on my shoulder hands me a tantalizing offer. "Here, just call your school and tell them you've been having some 'conflicts' that you're trying to resolve and you're going to try to make it in by nine. That will give you a little more time to rest and take a shower and go to school! Besides, you don't really need to be there until nine anyway." Man, he's good. That was very enticing. I decided to "sleep" on it for a few minutes. After a bit, I woke up and picked up my phone to see that it was 7:53. I'm supposed to be at work by 8. Um, it was immediately evident to myself that that wasn't going to happen. I was still lying, in my pajamas, with a body and hair that hasn't been cleaned for three days, curled up in a ball in my blankets! So, I took the offer. I made the phone call and repeated his words just right and it worked like a charm. And, I wasn't lying, right? I was having conflicts with that devil and angel on my shoulders! Picture Kronk. Yeah, that was totally me this morning.

Well, that phone call me gave me another hour. Things were good. So I closed my eyes and allowed myself to fall back asleep. This time, it wasn't just resting though. I fell into a deep, dream-filled sleep. Too bad those problems weren't popping away like bubbles while I slept! Rather, they were just multiplying like bunny rabbits. I suddenly woke up for whatever reason and grabbed my phone to see what time it was. 9:07. "Okay, um, devil? Your plan didn't work so well. Now what!?" I laid back on my back and looked up at the ceiling. "What am I going to do!?" I thought. I knew the first thing would be to call my school and tell them... tell them... WHAT!? Not surprisingly, the little devil didn't supply another "perfect" line. I can just picture him now, knowing that I saw his hand-off for what it really is... a whole package of more problems that was prettily wrapped as a "perfect" answer... "oops. My cover's blown..." Well, since when I had called before, it was because of "some conflicts" that I was going to be late, I decided that it was because those same conflicts were unresolved that I wasn't going to make it in today. That's what I told the secretary who is going to pass my message along.

When I got off the phone, the little devil was going at it again with as much energy as he could muster, trying a different tactic to get me down by aiming for my soft spot: "You blew it! You suck! You're so irresponsible! You're never going to break your bad habits! You let everyone down! You might as well just go back to sleep now. You're not going to be able to get anything productive done today anyway because now look at how DEPRESSED you are because of what happened! Ha! You're back in depression! And you thought you were done with depre........." flick. Guess what devil. That ain't my soft spot no more.

I got up out of bed immediately and knew I had to write my story. Now it's 10:51 and I've got a lot of options in front of me. I feel GREAT. I feel victorious. I know I've gotta clean up my mess I made from opening that package of problems and I'm going to do it. I'm going to go in to the school and tell the truth to those that I work with whom I let down today because of my foolish choice. I'm going to ask God to forgive me and I know He will. I'm going to take a shower. And I'm going to clean my toilet!

The Jackrabbit Factor

I've had this book recommended to me a few times, but it wasn't until last week when John and I went over to his friends house and he was talking about how he just finished reading it that I asked if I could borrow it. I started reading it aloud to John on the drive home and have since been reading it while we are in the car. Yesterday and today I was so into the story that after I dropped John off at work I kept on reading ahead and I just finished today when I got home from work. This book is awesome! It was so fun to read and really gave me a lot to think about. When I came in the house (for I finished reading it out in the car) I went online to check out her website and have spent hours on there watching an awesome movie of a seminar the author did and then reading ALL of her posts on her blog. Needless to say, what she's got to say sure resonates with me! I had so much fun doing this and feel like I've acquired a new friend in her. I'll be keeping up on her blog from now on. Anyway, I just wanted to share a few of my favorite of her posts for anyone who's up to reading something that'll give 'em a happy boost and shed some light on some awesome principles and bring a shining hope into their heart. At least, that's what it did for me!

And, of course... I HIGHLY RECOMMEND her book! The Jackrabbit Factor by Leslie Householder. K, here's the links to my favorite postings:

Understanding Adversity

Will Challenges Ever Go Away For Good?

A Vote for Broccoli

God is Never Late

Thankful

I am thankful for my greatest gift in life: my sweet husband. I'm so blessed to have him by my side! I love him so much. This Thanksgiving weekend was a lot of fun with him and his family. Thanksgiving day we went out Christmas tree hunting, as is tradition, and found a lovely tree. I am just so thankful to get to spend my time with him and so thankful for the love we share!

So Small

Songs say a LOT about people. I feel like the kind of music I love: the beat, the lyrics, the artists... it all says a little something about ME too. About where I'm at in life, what I love, what I think about, what I feel. I'm really grateful for all the heartfelt creativity that artists put into their work and their willingness to share a part of who they are with the world. I feel like we're all a little part of each other.

Anyway, today, the song that is really resonating with me is "So Small" by Carrie Underwood and I just wanted to share it and say "AMEN!"

What you got if you ain't got love?
The kind that you just wanna give away
It's okay to open up
Go ahead and let the light shine through
I know it's hard on a rainy day
You wanna shut the world out and just be left alone
But don't run out on your faith

Cause sometimes that mountain you've been climbin'
Is just a grain of sand
And what you've been out there searching for forever
Is in your hands
When you figure out love is all that matters after all
It sure makes everything else
Seem so small

It's so easy to get lost inside
A problem that seems so big at the time
It's like a river that's so wide it swallows you whole
While you're sittin' 'round thinkin' 'bout what you can't change
And worryin' 'bout all the wrong things
Time's flyin' by, movin' so fast
You better make it count cause you can't get it back!

Sometimes that mountain you've been climbin'
Is just a grain of sand
And what you've been out there searching for forever
Is in your hands
Oh, when you figure out love is all that matters after all
It sure makes everything else
Seem so small

Mysterious

I really like to think that I am mysterious. I have a whole world going on inside my head that other people rarely are aware of, but sometimes I hope a little fantastical sparkle will escape out of my eyes in a little twinkle that catches someone off guard and inspires them to dig deeper into me. The inadequacy of language limits me from accurately expressing what my mysterious world is like. But just for fun, I feel motivated to paint a tantalizing glimpse of what it's like to BE in my world. It's like walking unexpectedly into a wall of cinnamon aroma and being enveloped in it. Like it swirls around you in a sparkling mist and you can't resist closing your eyes, putting your head back and breathing in as deeply as possible as it lifts you off your feet so gracefully you don't even notice until your breath comes back out slowly and you feel the tips of your toes alight gently back onto the floor. It feels like looking into the eye of the most beautiful person you've ever seen and drowning in the depths of the mesmerizing color. It's like standing on the edge of the ocean and feeling the waves lap at your toes while you gaze down at your feet sinking into the sand and then looking up to the horizon and up even farther to the sky and realizing that you are no longer standing on the edge of the ocean but gliding silently above it, with arms outstretched, soaring towards the sun. It's like a touch of pure love from a friend when no words are spoken yet everything meaningful is said. It's like wearing a glittery, flowing gown made out of moonlight and silk and quietly tiptoeing through the trees. Like you have always been a part of the forest, that part that is invisible yet pumps intense feeling through passerby at unexpected moments for them which cause them to breathe a little more deeply and their heart to melt into the softness of rose petals and wish they could stay there forever. It's like falling into a warm soft bed that's covered with a down comforter so plush that it folds your body into it at first impact. It's like looking across a meadow of color where the colors are vibrant and pulsating. They're alive and intensely captivating, gentle, warm and inviting and sweep up suddenly with a gust of wind and flow straight towards you and whip around your body and your hair with an exhilarating energy, filling your entire being with the sweetest sense of the ultimate joy. They burst forth from the top of your head exploding into a thousand glimmering pieces that flutter softly back to the ground and back into the meadow and the feeling you're left with is absolute peace. You feel light. That's a small taste of what it feels like to BE in my world. Maybe if you watch my eyes carefully you'll catch a glint of that sparkle. I like to think that I am mysterious. captivating.

Yost

So, for those of you who don't know, I was born in the boonies. My mom had all of her kids at home. I was born at my grandparent's house in YOST, Utah in the middle of a snowstorm and the doctor was late. Although I visited Yost a few times as a young toddler, I didn't have many memories of it and hadn't been back to visit since earlier this year. John and I just took a trip up there again this past weekend. My step-grandmother lives there and John had built some beautiful bookcases for her in exchange for her painting us a few paintings that are just lovely. Anyway, so I just wanted to make a little posting about Yost, because like it or not, that's where I'm from! It's just so odd to me whenever we've gone there to drive around and think, "this is where I was born." Okay, so about Yost. Yost was first settled by a few people around 1878. By 1887 the town merited a post office and was thereafter officially called Yost after the postmaster Charles Yost. The early settlers opened a few kilns, mills and mercantile stores. By 1892, the population was 91 and as babies were born and some more adults moved in, the town grew in size to 251 people by 1910. And that's as big as it ever got. I asked my grandma just about how many people live in Yost today and she said, "oh, about 26." Now, you've got to understand that Yost is out there. It's about 50 miles out on a dirt road to get there from the nearest town off the highway, Snowville. In fact, the road actually takes you over the Idaho border and then back down into Utah. Yost is just about 3 miles south of the border of Utah and Idaho. And nope, there's not much cell phone service either. I took pictures of the house and room I was born in. Don't laugh. (okay, just kidding, you can... I do!) By the way, this isn't the house that my grandmother now lives in. (thank heavens we don't have to stay here when we go visit!)

Ring Around the Rosie

Today I sat down and figured out how to get my videos off my camera and onto YouTube. Yaay! Here's a little video I created that shows a small GLIMPSE of the fun we have around our house...

http://youtube.com/watch?v=QlshH5WPg84

Dreamers

Here's a new one. I was recently inspired by my husband to write down my dreams! It's usually the other way around and he never does it! The other day I came out to see what he was up to and he told me that he had been writing down his dreams and having a really fun time doing it. I was so thrilled! His action inspired me to write mine down as well, which I did this morning. I've done it before, but was in need of an updated list. I want to share both of our dreams on here and hopefully it will inspire some others out there to pull those dreams out of the closet, blow off the dust and start the dreaming again! :) It's so much fun.

JOHN’S DREAMS

· Not have to worry about money

· Spend the time with my family that I want, not what someone else wants

· Have a cabin

· Be out of debt

· Do a lot of service

· Have several four wheelers

· Be involved with my kids

· Be involved with my wife

· Have food storage

· Have a garden

· Be a good father

· Be a good husband

· Go on a lot of vacations

· Go on the Piute trail with friends and family

· Help people achieve their dreams

· Own rental properties

· Be a successful business man

· Helping people become debt free

· Attend all General Conference meetings at the Conference Center

· See and attend all temples world wide

· One day I can just wake up and decide I want to go to such and such a place and not worry if we can afford it

· Go to all the amusement parks in the US

· Sit on the floor for a Utah Jazz game

· Have an art room/meditation room in our house

· Be more outgoing

· Feel smart… no, KNOW I am smart

· Do all I can to be an instrument at all times and places for God!

· Have a big wood shop in my back yard

· Have a basketball court

· Be able to surprise Lindsay and not give it away eagerly

· Be a living example to friends and family

· Be able to dunk a basketball

· Always be healthy

· Have home evening every week

· Teach my wife to play pinochle

· Take field trips on things that our kids are studying

· Be an example of always being happy no matter what happens

· Always be a missionary

· Have one sleep in day a week

· Have a boat

· Have jet skis

· Have a snow mobile

· Have a pick-up

· Be VERY knowledgeable in the scriptures

· Learn to drywall

· Learn to plumb

· Learn engineering

· Have a big backyard

· Be a good neighbor

· Do home teaching every month

· Always be humble

· Not be prideful

· Always be grateful

· Always be cheerful

· And if I never do receive the material things in life, it’s okay because my biggest dream is to always remember God is in control and if I’m doing what He wants, then He will provide on those things.

LINDSAY’S DREAMS

· Be a powerful wife and mother!

· Be able to spend all the quality time with my family that I want to

· Never have to worry whether or not we will have enough money to do the things that we want to do

· Have an abundance of investments that will provide for my family and I for the rest of our lives

· Be completely financially FREE!!!

· Experience freedom and abundance in every aspect of my life

· Adopt a lot of children who are in the foster care system and just want to be part of a family, but feel that no one wants them. I want them!

· To continue to have the best group of friends in the world!!

· Be a powerful motivational speaker

· Be an instrument in the Lord’s hands at all times

· Publish an inspirational/self-help book

· Publish an inspiring novel

· To teach my children in the home

· To be fully prepared for emergencies – with food, water, supplies, and money

· Be a scholar of the scriptures

· Model a wedding dress

· Be an actress in a powerful movie released by the LDS Church

· Own a ranch with horses in a beautiful mountain valley and be able to go horseback riding whenever I want to

· See the world from space

· Run a marathon

· Be famous

· See the great wonders of the world

· Live in China with my family – teaching English, serving, and/or doing missionary work

· Learn to speak, read and write Mandarin Chinese

· Be free from depression

· Read all of the books that I own

· Serve the way the Lord expects me to in all of my Church callings

· Go on philanthropic missions worldwide with my family

· Make a difference in this world!

· Live my life’s mission with purpose

· Take family and friends on Church history and American history tours

· Become a world traveler

· Help people put together their life’s histories for their families

· Improve my photography skills and use that talent to bless the lives of others

· Improve my drawing skills and use that talent as a way to express what is in my heart

· Learn how to paint

· Do secret service for people and give them whatever it is they stand in need of

· Have a live-in cook and housekeeper so that I can spend my time with my family and serving others

· Always be reaching out to others and helping to brighten their day and ease their load

· Have the BEST marriage ever!

Pachelbel Bedtime

John found this really cute song played and sung by this guy on YouTube. We watched it a few times last night and loved it! Even though we don't have kids yet, we thought it was so cute. We can't wait to relate. :) John wants to learn the song.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uISuvTiTYJA

A Little Mischief

I love to scare people. It's so fun. So the other morning I was lying in bed, dreading getting up for the day. John and I had made plans to go play tennis in the morning and both of us had slept in, but we still intended to go. John was the first one up and while he was sittin' on the pot, I caught a mischief bug. I realized that if I didn't act on it right then, I would just lay there and fall back asleep, being a lazy bum for the rest of the morning and for sure not going to play tennis. So I decided to act on it. As quickly as I could, I threw back the covers and grabbed two pillows from the bed and stuffed them underneath the blankets and threw them back over to cover them up so it looked as if I was still lying in bed with the covers thrown over my head. Then, as quietly as I could, I sneaked into our walk-in closest, past the door where John was. I pulled back his shirts that were hanging on the lower half of his side of the closet, near the corner and crawled behind them and carefully arranged them back over me so as to cover me up. I was hoping my feet wouldn't be noticed. I didn't know if they were showing or not... it was close. Then I did my best to suppress my giggles and waited for him to come out. When he did, he went back into the bedroom to get me and after a few seconds I heard a small little laugh from him. I knew he had discovered the pillows. Then he came walking into the closest and looked behind the door (where I usually hide) with no luck. He left the room and went outside our bedroom to look for me and I could hear him say to himself, "what the heck?" He told me later that because it was still really dark in the rest of our house, he didn't think I had gone out there. So, he came back into the closest and came right to his shirts hanging and started to pull them aside. I yelled out a "RAAA!!" before he was able to spot me and he jumped and let out a real good holler! It was so funny! It's been a long while since I'd scared him enough that he screamed! We had a good laugh and then got ready to go play tennis. We had a blast playing for about two hours and my body is totally feeling it now.

answer to prayer

"Why should this anxious load press down your weary mind? Come, cast your burdens on the Lord and sweet refreshment find."

These few lines from the hymn How Gentle God's Commands came to my mind as I was conversing with God this evening. (it's a mix between the first and third verse of the hymn.) And I realized, yet again, that I've been holding on to my burdens. In sweet release I gave them over to the Lord and was filled with an overpowering sense of gratitude for his perfect love. He really is there for me.

Words just don't seem to express what is in my heart.