My Dreams

I've had a few people ask me recently what dreams I have for my life. I'd like to finally reveal what those dreams are from deep within my heart! :) dun dun dun...

• I want to receive my BA from George Wythe College. (http://www.gwc.edu) I want to start my schooling there in January of 2008. The application is due September 16th of this year. The reason why I am waiting that long is because I have a big focus to get through this summer. And that big focus is...

• another dream! :) I want to attend the graduation of my Chinese students and friends who were freshmen when I taught them. I want to take John back to China with me and show him all my old haunts... :) and visit some new places with him. We are planning on going to Hong Kong to visit John & Bonnie too, the last week of May, and then, depending on when the graduation is, we will fly to either Beijing and visit there and then to Jilin, or to Changchun and take the train to Jilin for the graduation and then take the train back to Changchun and fly to Beijing to go see the sights like the Forbidden City and the Great Wall of China. We plan to spend three weeks in China. I am stoked!!! :)

• I want to write and publish books. I have a few on my mind right now... one is a novel, two are inspirational, one is a collection of my childhood stuff, and one is my journal. Here are the names that I have thought of for the first three: I want to title my novel: The Release. Here are my inspirational books: The Greatest Lessons About Life I Learned at Oakcrest; & Everday Life is for LIVING. I've also thought about contacting Katherine Hannigan (the author of Ida B) to see if I could write a script of her book Ida B.

• I want to be a private investor who is able to help fund small businesses that have a great vision that will greatly serve the community and help people become their best selves and help bring people closer together.
  

• I want to start my own business called: HeartSongs. What it is, is a photography business. I feel I have a talent for composition in photography and I also have a talent for recognizing powerful music that tugs at those "heart strings." I also have a talent for recognizing powerful, inspiring quotes. So what I want to do is combine all three of those together into one and create books for people. The books will be called "HeartSongs." A person can have more than one heartsong. A heartsong is something that is deeply personal and meaningful to you, that stirs your soul. Here is the idea. Let's say you want a heartsong of your marriage. I would interview you and find out what things about your marriage mean the most to you. I would ask some basic questions about some of "your favorite things..." and I would ask for some meaningful memories that stir your heart in relationship to your marriage. I would ask you, "if you could describe the joy you feel about your marriage, what would it taste like? What would it look like? What would it smell like? What would it feel like? And what would it sound like?" I would also ask you if you already have a song that is deeply meaningful and personal already to you that describes perfectly how you feel about your marriage. If so, then I would use that song as your heartsong. If you don't have a song already, then I would research and listen to music until I found the perfect one that matches the description you have told me about how you feel about your marriage. Then the work that I would do would be to do a photoshoot of the things that instill that joy in you about your marriage... things that remind you about how you feel about your marriage. Then I would research and find some quotes that express those feelings as well. If you are a poet, and/or have already written something of your own that describes your feelings, I would want to use that so that it is more personalized. Then I would write for permission to use the song that I've chosen (or that you've chosen) for your heartsong and I would purchase it and put that single song on a cd and design a cd sticker thing that matches all these feelings so you know that cd is for this particular heartsong. Then I would publish this as a hard-bound book, full color photos and the quotes going along with the pictures and then in the back would be a sleeve holding the cd. So the finished product ends up being like a 5 minute power session... you can put on the cd and sit down with the book in your lap as you listen to the music and flip through the photos and read the quotes and your heart will be stirred up again, reinforcing all those feelings of love and joy that you have in relation to your relationship with your sweet husband. Cool huh. :) And like I said, you can have more than one heartsong... you can have a heartsong about friendship, family, childhood, nature, books, motherhood... you can even have heartsongs specifically about your favorite people in your life. A heartsong is meant to remind you of the things that mean the very most to you... and it's a quick, and very powerful reminder that you can sit down to and indulge in anytime you want. Anyway... that's my big dream.... :)
  

• Okay another dream.... I want to be a powerful, motivational speaker... for "children" of all ages! :)

• I want to be the voice for a character in an animated movie.

• along those same lines... I REALLY want to be a movie actress too. I want to show the deep seated emotions of a powerful, inspiring character in such a way that people are so inspired to be better and to express their feelings more openly with those that they love. I want people to relate to the character so much that it helps them to be happy and love others more in their lives. Cheesy, I know, but I really want to make the world a better place! :) A world filled with love and laughter and smiles and service to each other.
  

• I want to be someone who does book audios... I love reading out loud and I feel I have a really great talent for portraying enchantment and wonder through my voice. I want to read in such a way that those who listen to it find themselves yearning to express themselves in such a poignant manner. I envision someone driving in the car listening to their book on cd and their facial expressions molding with the expression in my voice as I share the story. I always want to be involved in reading, acting, whatever... of things that are powerful, motivational, and inspiring.

• And my biggest and most powerful vision of all is to be a powerful wife and mother!!! :) And I know that one is being actualized RIGHT NOW. I am a powerful wife and mother. I say mother now, even though I don't have children of my own yet, because I am very loving and nurturing with the children that are a part of my life and it brings such a joy to my heart to serve them and love them and teach them through my example and my care.

The Story of Us

Since it's such a common question: "how did you meet?" I wanted to share my story of my husband and I. It's a fun one that sure brings joy to my heart!

Usually when people ask us this question, we look at each other with this look that says, "do we have to say?" We are certainly grateful for technology because we met on the internet back in the summer of 2000. It was the day after I had graduated from high school. I was in an LDS chat room and was just about to get off for the night cause I was tired and bored when he started talking to me. We hit it right off and chatted till around 4 in the morning that first time! (and many times after that...)

John is exactly 5 months older than me. So when we met, he already had his mission call to Cleveland, Ohio. John's from the little small town of Enterprise that is about 40 minutes north of St. George (where we live.) I was from Murray. It didn't take long at all for us to fall head over heels in love with each other. We got to see each other in person 9 times before he left to the MTC, and that was enough. We were both each other's first OFFICIAL boyfriend/girlfriend, as well as each other's first kiss. We shared a really cute storybook love, and I felt like things couldn't have gone better even in my dreams!

Now, you must know that I have always been absolutely boy crazy. So the thought of me signing off boys for 2 years didn't really appeal to me, especially since I was so excited to date older and more mature guys since I had graduated from high school! And I REALLY didn't want to prove a distraction to John while he was on his mission. So I sent him off "just as a friend," and he knew I was going to continue to date. We were both still so hopelessly in love with each other, however, that we continued to write each other at least once a week and say all kinds of mushy stuff.

For how "perfect" things were going, we sure did have a lot of bumps to work through while we were separated; all of them a result of my dating extravaganzas with other guys. He didn't like that so much, especially when I moved down to St. George and got a crush on his cousin and started to kiss his face too! I liked cute boys! What can I say? I really did love John, and that love felt deeper than any other love I had ever felt, but I was not ready to be in a committed relationship with him (obviously.)

Near to when John was going to come home, I took a Preparing for Celestial Marriage class in Institute. As a result, I realized that I was not ready to have a committed relationship with him when he came home because we had barely spent time together in person and I wanted to know him better face to face, in person. Throughout his mission, we talked seriously of getting married when he came home, and I realized I was just not ready for that level of commitment with him yet. So I wrote him the fateful "dear John" letter telling him my feelings. Somewhere in there I must have thrown in the fact that there was this other guy that I really liked and I wanted to pursue, because John was really crushed by the whole thing. He received that letter on April 1st, 3 months before he came home.

Well, he was mad and didn't want to forgive me because he was so hurt, but after about a month and a half, he did. He wrote back and said that he still wanted to be friends and to see me when he got home, which is what I wanted too. So when he did come home, he came over to see me one day and I about melted. All those feelings I thought for sure weren't there came flooding back and everything was almost instantly back to how it was when we had first fallen in love. That continued only for about two weeks. At the time, I really wanted to be in a serious relationship with someone. I wanted someone to commit to me! And I wanted it to be someone who knew where their life was heading so that I could decide if they were someone I wanted to follow. Well, every time I asked John what his goals were or what he wanted to do with his life, the only answer I got was "I don't know." He wouldn't talk to me! He would never share his FEELINGS with me (and you know how much girls want that!) I became really frustrated and was really turned off to him because of that. Well, I never shared my OWN feelings with John about how he was affecting me, and because this other guy that I was interested in TOTALLY knew where he was going, I decided I didn't want to be with John, I wanted to be with this other guy. So I broke John's heart AGAIN. Well, this other guy did like me and wanted to be with me, but he just never felt the confirmation from the Spirit, so his "like" turned into that "sisterly" love and it drove me bonkers.

I just went on with my life, trying my best to be happy, but feeling miserable because the guy I loved didn't love me in return the way I wanted to. I still saw John every now and then, but I just wasn't attracted to him anymore so it was always weird between us because I KNEW he still loved me A LOT. I abused his love during that time too because there were a few times when I was so lonely that I would go back to John for some attention and affection because I knew he felt it for me. I broke the poor boy's heart more times than is fair for a heart to be broken, and I was completely wrapped up in my own world and oblivious to the pain I was causing him.

Well, time went by and by and by. I did some cool things with my life like going to China to teach English at a university. I left in August of 2003 to do that, and I just had this feeling deep in my gut that I was going to married by the next summer. At the time I wasn't dating anyone, and I felt I didn't even have any prospects, so I had no idea HOW that was going to happen. So, when asked to, I signed a contract to teach at the university for a full year. Immediately afterwards, however, I knew I shouldn't have done that. I felt so strongly that I was supposed to go back after just a semester. But now here I was, stuck in this binding contract! Well, God lent his hand in helping me to find a girl back from St. George that wanted to come teach and was even turned down, but then felt strongly to try again even though she had been told no. We were led to each other and began emailing. It was meant to be because she was able to pay for her way to come to China and fill my place for the second half of my teaching contract, and I was able to go back home. (we're still good friends, her and I, by the way!)

So, now it's January of 2004. I'm back in the US, living at my mom's house and I feel like I'm supposed to be getting married in the summer time, and yet I have no idea how. So I started workin' at it. I broke out my flirtatiousness. I got back online and found guys to take me out on dates. I went on dates all the time, and really had a ton of fun with them! Some crazy thing would happen, though, with every single guy that I met. (and I had met some REALLY awesome guys that I would have LOVED to get serious with!) For some unknown reason to me, they would suddenly stop returning any emails, stop calling me, just stop everything! It was incredibly discouraging to me, especially since I knew I was supposed to get married that summer! Come on Heavenly Father! How is this going to work?? I was pretty humbled and I remember writing in my journal one night and realizing that I was putting WAY too much focus on finding someone to marry rather than putting my focus on building and strengthening my relationship with my Savior. So I switched my focus, and it wasn't even a week later that John came back into my life, quite randomly.

We had chatted online one night previously and I had given him my phone number, but really not thinking he would ever use it. I really wasn't even interested in him in that way anymore. So this one morning when I got up, I had a text message on my phone that said, "get up you lazy bum!" It was from a number I didn't recognize and I was like, "What!? Who would have the audacity to leave ME that kind of message!" (I NEVER sleep in... haha! yeah right.) Well, I spent the entire weekend calling this unknown person and texting them back and trying my darndest to figure out who in the world it was! (John is a BIG tease, by the way!) I finally caught him red-handed (he had been using his cousin’s phone to text me,) and thus ensued a firery relationship of text messaging. Everyone teased us that our phones had become permanently attached to our hands.

It was a lot of fun, but one thing kept rolling over and over in my mind: “I’m not attracted to him anymore! Is it possible for that attraction to come back?” I knew that if I started dating him again, I would want it to be for keeps because of all the times that I had already broken his heart in the past. I wanted to KNOW for myself that I could marry him and that I wanted to marry him before we began having any kind of a serious relationship again. So I began praying and pondering a lot about it. After about a week, I knew in my heart that I could marry him and I wanted to date him. He began driving up from St. George every weekend to see me and around the first week of April, we both knew that we were going to get married. He proposed June 16^th and we were married in the St. George Temple on August 20^th, 2004. My premonition was right on.

Since then, I haven't been happier! I have been the only girl he has ever loved, ever kissed, ever had a serious relationship with. He tried to with other girls, and dated in that time that we were apart, but has told me that he NEVER felt the feelings he felt with me with any other girl. He just knew that I would be the only girl he could ever love. That realization hurt him to the core at the time though because he thought it was over between us. So if anyone knows what it’s like to be hurt by me, he does. And he loves me more than I’ve ever felt loved before in my whole life. I’m so grateful that he has forgiven me for the mistakes I’ve made because we enjoy the most fulfilling relationship together. He is my hero, my lover, my best friend.